Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)

Amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me I once was lost but now am found, was blind and now can see. Twas grace that taught my heart to fear; and grace my fears relieved. How precious did that grace appear the hour I first believed. My chains are gone, I've been set free. My God, my Savior, has ransomed me. And like a flood his mercy reigns, unending love, amazing grace. The Lord has promised good to m His word my hope secures. He will my shield and portion be as long as life endures. My chains are gone, I've been set free. My God, my Savior, has ransomed me. And like a flood his mercy reigns, unending love, amazing grace. The earth shall soon dissolve like snow, the sun forbear to shine. But God who called me here below, will be for ever mine, will be forever mine, You are forever mine.

TEN FOLD

How many things do you return home to at night that really, REALLY care? If your lucky it is a sole mate who greets you with a smile and loves that special feeling only you can bring into their immediate surroundings. Some of us are not lucky enough to have a soul mate or have lost them somewhere along the way BUT have an animal of some sort who seems to think their life begins when you walk in the front door. You never get to old to feel this love and when you cannot find it, that is true loneliness. My cat, Boo-Bear has been with me for several years and honestly believes I am his, since I am all he remembers. My granddaughter brought him home to me when he was half the size of my hand.....I never thought I would save him since he barely had his eyes open. Now years later, he is a huge tom cat. He delights in greeting me by jumping on my chest when I sit down and putting his long arms around my neck and purrs this congested kind of purr and closes his eyes in bliss as I tell him I love him and put him down. I have been fortunate to have always had someone or something around to welcome me home this way. Your kids and family do this in early years but as you get older and the world speeds up and we slow down, they never seem to be there or have their own tight circle around them. Some of us or so fortunate to know that warm feeling from a very close love one and some of us or not. Some take that some one for granted or just never cared in the first place and end up just living for the convenience of it all. I think the statement is sometimes made, "It's too late to change or what's the use." There is always a need to strive for the best whether you are 60 or 20 or 90 0r 40. That cat will never be left behind in a move. Just as in moving my family will not be left behind.....I'll always be there to listen.....and that sole mate .....I will never be too old for a hug or to hold hands whether we are walking or not. My thought in all this rambling is.....if you have that special connection hold on to it.....God presented it to you. If you are alone get out and be there for someone else......what you give will come back to you ten fold. Love you always, Pokie

TIME

Could it be that my brain has forgotten how to rest? Only when I try to rest do I have tremors and shakes....In the old days did they have shakes? Were they worse in the span of time between lying down and sleep? And, what about when you do sleep? Does your brain wait for you to rest so it can throw in weird dreams to wake you up? Do you lie there and refuse to open your eyes.....thinking you might go back to sleep, but soon realize your up for the rest of the night or early morning. Do we get going so fast in life that we cannot slow down to rest, dream, talk to God or listen to what he has to say to us? Why are we doing this to ourselves? I have always "hit the floor running" in an attempt to feed and cloth three kids as a single mom, for what seems like all of my adult life. Now retired, and the brain gives out. Sometimes, in physical therapy, I just have to say, "My brain just doesn't know how to do that.".....I now spend hours trying to reprogram myself to bounce a ball from one hand to the next....remember the punch line to a joke....or the whole joke! I have never been an athlete but, bouncing a ball I could handle.....I stop myself and say,"Don't limp and stand up straight." AND the miracle is I can......I CAN. What are the researchers missing? I know I am a bundle of questions tonight, BUT I now rely totally on Ivyprophen for pain, warafin to thin my blood, fish oil, B12 capsules and prozac......that's it from 42 pills a day to two prescription drugs...these are some things sent to me today by email...they made sense: STOP TRYING TO FIT IN WHEN YOU WERE MEANT TO STAND OUT! WHEN ONE PERSON DREAMS ALONE, IT'S JUST A DREAM...WHEN MANY DREAM TOGETHER IT IS THE BEGINNING OF A NEW REALITY! IF YOU HAVE ENEMIES IT MAY JUST MEAN YOU STOOD UP FOR SOMETHING SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY. This one I worry about.......YOUR SOLE PURPOSE IN LIFE MIGHT JUST BE TO SERVE AS A WARNING TO OTHERS!..... A TRULY HAPPY PERSON ENJOYS THE SCENERY ON THE DETOUR.........me, I enjoy ANY scenery!(or for that matter detours are ok too) and last but not least............SOME MISTAKES ARE TOO MUCH FUN TO MAKE ONLY ONCE! Well obviously, my unprogrammed brain is scrambled like eggs tonight ...so I will wish you peace and contentment and GOOD DREAMS! LOVE YA POKIE P.S. If someone whom I love alot, is caught reading this and realizes I have once again used SPAN instead of SPAND....Goggle told me to do it...goodnight

Life in the Fourth Quarter

I wanted to write here today instead of "Today With Pokie". If the truth were to be known, "Coffee With Pokie" has always been my play area and so many always go to the other blog. At one time I wrote three blogs a day. This kept me sitting still far too long for Parkinson's and I got much worse. I have cut my writing, something I love, way back. I walk everyday and, because of my joint pain, need all the exercise I can possibly do to stay out of a wheel chair. So today I will be playing and celebrating the fact that my God loves me as I do him.... Not to long ago I was traveling home and started out in a severe rain storm....After a while, the storm passed and behind it came the most beautiful sunset. The western sky was every color imaginable which was enhance by black splotches which were the clouds left over from the storm. I could hardly drive for looking at this amazing show God was putting on for me. I had Willie Nelson on my stereo with "I'd have to be crazy" and reached to turn it up when to the right I noticed a huge rainbow which ended up right over where I was headed...HOME. I just pulled over in the middle of nowhere and cried while I prayed...The whole picture was put together for me. I must have sat there an hour and still have the pictures in my head...no camera that day. How can anyone look at something so awesome and not believe in God? I will never know. Last night I played for hours on the computer......not games but lyrics. Most don't know that I use to sing and play the guitar in my hometown while in college. That was in The Peter, Paul and Mary days and I was a true hippy. I drifted away from that when I started having kids and then all of a sudden I could not remember the lyrics. No matter how many times I tried , they just did not stick in my brain. Now almost fifty years later, I am trying to learn to play again and I look up the lyrics and hand copy them down......singing the song as I write......Good exercise for the brain and fingers. Last nights adventure was Judy Collins and 'Bows and flows of Angel hair...Ice cream castles in the air....and feathered Canyons Everywhere....I'd look at clouds that way....AND..... Willie Nelson "I come to the Garden Alone"......and he walks with me and he talks with me and he tells me I am his own...and the joy we share as we tarry there.....no other has ever known. I am indeed blessed. Lately my Facebook friends are in to quotes and signs. Both have always fascinated me. This one caught my eye yesterday..."Never ignore a person who loves you, and misses you because one day, you might wake up from your sleep and realize you lost the moon while counting stars" Neat ,huh? I use to buzz through life with three or four things going at one time, always. Now in my more "POKIE" state the colors or my vibrant. The smells are sweeter. The hugs stronger. The kisses have more passion and I love life so much more. If there were one thing I could do today for those I love, it would be slow them down...help them enjoy......life is so short, especially in the fourth quarter. God continue to bless you and you continue to give thanks...love always, Pokie

"Fairy Trees"

Tonight I am going to take you to a place only people very close to me ever see.....the inner workings of my brain. One doctor I saw a couple of years ago referred to it as a, neurological mess." Needless to say, I never went back to him again. Someone else that I love a lot once said, "honey now that is a scary place, your brain....but then you have always been differently special!" There is a child in my brain who is at play constantly. Some have referred to her as a very breakable china doll. True my feelings get hurt easily and mend slowly, but one must remember that this child sees the world from a totally different perspective. These mind problems are not always positive and do not always turn out well. I have found myself entirely too trusting and often really not rational. Impulsive, yes and very bull headed....One of the nicer things is that the older I get the wiser I get or at least I believe I am. Do you ever wonder if you may be your very smartest just before you enter heaven? When I was three or four I use to search in our woods for "fairy trees"(Trees with knots in the trucks at ground level). I named these "fairy trees" and would spend all day making the fairies furniture out of sticks and weed and leaves so their houses would be nice when they returned. In doing this, I saw every leaf and it's texture and color. Tiny twigs became bed posts and flower stems and flowers became the covers and bindings. To this day I can spot a "fairy tree" from quite some distance and the colors of Fall make it my favorite season. I spent a lot of time by myself when I was young and a considerable part of that was in a fantastic land of make believe, on my back on the ground watching the leaves twist and turn as they fell to the ground. My troubling thought is that no one takes time to dream anymore or pretend. I have tried to pass this on to my grand kids and they prefer computers and cell phones. How do you set goals for yourself and listen to what God is trying to tell you if you cannot be quiet long enough to hear? There are some things that are very high on my list. Rain on a tin roof....wind through prairie grass, the smell of new hay and the morning cackling of a hen when she is laying. My goats use to stay right with me all day, as did my dog and when they thought I had worked enough they would convince me to sit for a while, and they would love on me. Right now the goat and the dog are both gone but have been replaced by someone who sure knows how to take me on long rides and hold my shaky hand and my world is ok. love you always, pokie

A Year Ago and Today

I openly admit to the fact that I am in the final quarter of the game, BUT thank you Lord for calling me off the bench and into the game. A year ago today I was in NYC with the Parkinson Unity Walk with many of my friends from Patientslikeme.com. I was in a wheel chair and 65 pounds heavier. My hair was grey and for all intents and purposes, really thought I was headed rapidly to meet my maker face to face. As for last year, in April, I went to NYC, I was working on quilts for PDF, running three blogs, taking care of my 87 year old mom and decided to fall in love....I had my right hip replaced, got contacts, some new teeth and cloths and dropped out of sight to almost everyone. For this I my apologize......My team at the walk last year came in 13th place and collected around $15,000.00 for research....but as I changed within, I could no longer put all of me before the general public like before. A total makeover is a scary thing to go through, both inside and out and the continual fatigue and pain from Parkinson's never let up. No longer was it all about my chronic diseases and those who shared them with me.....it was me desperately trying to relearn how to love and be the healthiest I could be to recover and recover I did. I hit the road Monday with the old passion and then some...The fire is back in my eyes, hopefully for good . My love is the best, as are my friends who have helped me through this with wisdom and patience. Often they had to tell me things I didn't want to hear but I knew they were right. Tuesday I went to a symposium in Effingham , Ill. It was at the last minute and on dimincia and it was awesome. Dr Kuhn spoke at one of the breakouts and I made so many new friends....exchanged hugs and stories of encouragement. Wednesday we had our Lenten luncheon at church and once again it was awesome. Some of the things I wrote down in my notebook to remember were these: Jesus is the Lamb of God and the Good Sheppard. We can not hide from him. He can always find us...whether we think we need to be found or not. Our bodies are a temple, a house of prayer and we need to treat it as such. Our mouths need to be open and telling the story for all to hear. Jesus chose the downward demotion instead of up. He lowered himself to servitude and ultimately went to the cross for us. In all of this I had the thought. Who is keeping me from being the House of Prayer that my Lord wants? It's Me. I ask to be healed and he answered, "You Are.... Have faith, You are.' In this past eleven months, every sermon I heard, every passage I read in my "Gift Bible" was aimed toward my makeover and when I lost my way or did not understand he furnished me someone to explain and when I stub bled, I felt him giggle. Thursday I opened my email to the statement that the very first person I went to visit after being diagnose with PD was to have DBS surgery in St.Louis on Friday. Joanie is a woman of faith and a true inspiration. She knows her maker and is not afraid to let the world know who she is and what she thinks.......Praise the Lord for that. I hurried up and took off for STL with PLM's 2009 Unity Quilt, hoping to have it on her bed when she returned from surgery......Not knowing what I would find, I prayed the whole way there that I not cry when I saw her. There where 98 tornadoes that evening in our area BUT my Miss Joanie was perfect.....sitting up in bed and smiling. Alert and even walking back and forth in the hall. We talked about three hours and I left her with the quilt on her bed for comfort from all who had had a part in it. I left there ready to concur the world and what did I hear on my radio in the car? Bob Seger's "Beautiful Loser. A loser I am not, nor beautiful but I had set MY goals and they were not GOD'S goals. It's time to start listening better and as my grand kids say, "Get over it." The game is playing and we COULD WIN....Just get off the bench and join the game........love ya always Pokie

Let The Game Begin

"Send me in Coach, I'm ready to play....November 19th I entered Barnes Jewish Hospital in St Louis, Missouri for a total right hip replacement. I had weighed this in my mind since 2006 when I had my second hip replaced and was diagnosed with Parkinson's after a very slow recovery and many malfunctions, but as the pain increased weekly and my quality of life dropped to zero, I went for it. I cannot put all the decision in my hands though. In late July I was working on my bucket list so I could check out in style, feeling God would surely only put me through this, at most two more years. Nope, along came a friend who PUSHED me to fix myself as best I could...Exercise and don't give up because there are a lot of people who still love you......including your Lord and it's time to accept the next challenge. As I said that day I was in surgery by 8:00AM and out by 11:00AM and home by 6:00PM the next day with very little pain and have walked since...much to my amazement. Thanksgiving was just unbelievable this year......to say the least. My doctors and nurses were great as were all the people praying for my recovery and my friend and family by my heart and side always and then My Lord,who made fear something not considered and strength and faith, the strongest ever. I am sure I am once again on another mission. Look out chronic diseases with never ending pain, I am being put back in the game so LET THE GAMES BEGIN. love Pokie

I Hope You Dance

I have been so incredibly blessed all of my life. Even in extreme hard times God has always made sure I knew I was loved and that everything was for a reason...just believe. It seems when I settle into a routine as I have with Parkinson's then he brings something else along to stir the pot again. A new friend or old friend, an idea that won't go away no matter how silly it seems and then there's my wheels. Not chair wheels, car wheels. since at least March or more I have been without a car and trying to get to doctor appointments for me and my mom and keep the household going. I did well until the last month and things begin to pile up. Missed appointments because I had no one to take me and I just wanted out...Out for a drive, out to be by myself....just OUT. Well today I did it. My car is here and I am ever so proud. The dealership has been very special through all this. I knew just what I wanted and they would get it and it would be gone or it just was a little not right. Well she is here. A beautiful pewter color with all the bells and whistles and I am "On The Road Again" It would have been so easy for me to give up this time. The pain is severe again and my walking is not as good as it could be but, nope, I figure I have another dance in me. If you are someone reading this who feels they have come to the end of their rope and there just is nothing else exciting that could possibly venture into your life....your wrong. When you least expect it, a change will be offered to you.....a chance to dance and I hope you do.....love Pokie

Happy Purple Day

As most everyone that reads the things a write knows, I am a very proud grandmother of six. One I lost to Sids many years ago which left five to frolic and play at the farm in the summer and weekends. Maybe because of Kane and the Sids or maybe because of me and Epilepsy and Parkinson's, I spend a huge amount of time watching how they respond to different things around them. Even before they were born I was a storehouse of questions on movements, hiccups, kicking. I'm always looking for something I never want to see. I'm always studying my diseases and friends are always sending me articles on the subjects to keep me well informed for my blog writing. This is how I met Cassidy Megan who founded Purple Day for Epilepsy which gives everyone one day in the year to put on your purple and educate and be educated about Epilepsy. My favorite is young children, third or fourth grade. Epilepsy at any stage is extremely scary. You never know when a seizure is coming and when one comes you usually loose body functions which is totally embarrassing for young and old. but i think worse for the young because the young are so hard on each other and put up almost impossible hurdles for others to conquer in order to survive in their group. If your young and your worried , you have seizures and your different , then you stand out.....considered not good among children. On Purple Day Cassidy is a PEER factor instead of a FEAR factor. They become more educated and more tolerant...The myths are dispelled and the student with Epilepsy is given a chance to be seen in a normal light. March is Epilepsy month and somewhere in that month will be PURPLE DAY 2011, but don't wait. Plan a Purple Day and raise funds for research. Do something to help and include that child with Epilepsy in....It will make you smile inside. love ya Pokie

Luggage or Treasures

I'll tell you right off my symptoms are excellerated today and for what reason I do not know. I am taking my pd meds amd Epilepsy medication as directed, which is so odd for me and really feel lousy. I can attribute this to one thing, my brain is having problems processng all I am sending it's way. One travels life with so much excess baggage and it's contents will keep you from ever enjoying any of the special moments you incounter. Yet I am finding out your brain can also lead you to believe one thing when quite the opposite is true. How do you ever survive this way? How do you know when you are actually loved or is your brain just tell you this out of need? Maybe you think you have had enough of something and you haven't...this could keep you eating all your life. Tomorrow I am going to have to leave this very much behind or it will drive me crazy. This is one of those things, that when I pass, God will have to set down and explain to me. For one thing I feel no remorse for believing with all my heart and another for carrying it through my whole life but I am angry that I didn't realize it earlier. I know this seems like so much gibberish coming from a vey confussed mind but know this. This baggage might have been and still could be a Pandora's box or a place you go on a rainy day to play in a field of clover with the butterflys. Tears have a speial ingredent to heal. Heal what? Another thing I don't know...but it is an excellent way to fall a sleep and DREAM.....and PRAY. both of these I will do tonight and maybe, just maybe, tomorrow will come up clover and butterflys...love Pokie