TIME

Could it be that my brain has forgotten how to rest? Only when I try to rest do I have tremors and shakes....In the old days did they have shakes? Were they worse in the span of time between lying down and sleep? And, what about when you do sleep? Does your brain wait for you to rest so it can throw in weird dreams to wake you up? Do you lie there and refuse to open your eyes.....thinking you might go back to sleep, but soon realize your up for the rest of the night or early morning. Do we get going so fast in life that we cannot slow down to rest, dream, talk to God or listen to what he has to say to us? Why are we doing this to ourselves? I have always "hit the floor running" in an attempt to feed and cloth three kids as a single mom, for what seems like all of my adult life. Now retired, and the brain gives out. Sometimes, in physical therapy, I just have to say, "My brain just doesn't know how to do that.".....I now spend hours trying to reprogram myself to bounce a ball from one hand to the next....remember the punch line to a joke....or the whole joke! I have never been an athlete but, bouncing a ball I could handle.....I stop myself and say,"Don't limp and stand up straight." AND the miracle is I can......I CAN. What are the researchers missing? I know I am a bundle of questions tonight, BUT I now rely totally on Ivyprophen for pain, warafin to thin my blood, fish oil, B12 capsules and prozac......that's it from 42 pills a day to two prescription drugs...these are some things sent to me today by email...they made sense: STOP TRYING TO FIT IN WHEN YOU WERE MEANT TO STAND OUT! WHEN ONE PERSON DREAMS ALONE, IT'S JUST A DREAM...WHEN MANY DREAM TOGETHER IT IS THE BEGINNING OF A NEW REALITY! IF YOU HAVE ENEMIES IT MAY JUST MEAN YOU STOOD UP FOR SOMETHING SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY. This one I worry about.......YOUR SOLE PURPOSE IN LIFE MIGHT JUST BE TO SERVE AS A WARNING TO OTHERS!..... A TRULY HAPPY PERSON ENJOYS THE SCENERY ON THE DETOUR.........me, I enjoy ANY scenery!(or for that matter detours are ok too) and last but not least............SOME MISTAKES ARE TOO MUCH FUN TO MAKE ONLY ONCE! Well obviously, my unprogrammed brain is scrambled like eggs tonight ...so I will wish you peace and contentment and GOOD DREAMS! LOVE YA POKIE P.S. If someone whom I love alot, is caught reading this and realizes I have once again used SPAN instead of SPAND....Goggle told me to do it...goodnight

"Fairy Trees"

Tonight I am going to take you to a place only people very close to me ever see.....the inner workings of my brain. One doctor I saw a couple of years ago referred to it as a, neurological mess." Needless to say, I never went back to him again. Someone else that I love a lot once said, "honey now that is a scary place, your brain....but then you have always been differently special!" There is a child in my brain who is at play constantly. Some have referred to her as a very breakable china doll. True my feelings get hurt easily and mend slowly, but one must remember that this child sees the world from a totally different perspective. These mind problems are not always positive and do not always turn out well. I have found myself entirely too trusting and often really not rational. Impulsive, yes and very bull headed....One of the nicer things is that the older I get the wiser I get or at least I believe I am. Do you ever wonder if you may be your very smartest just before you enter heaven? When I was three or four I use to search in our woods for "fairy trees"(Trees with knots in the trucks at ground level). I named these "fairy trees" and would spend all day making the fairies furniture out of sticks and weed and leaves so their houses would be nice when they returned. In doing this, I saw every leaf and it's texture and color. Tiny twigs became bed posts and flower stems and flowers became the covers and bindings. To this day I can spot a "fairy tree" from quite some distance and the colors of Fall make it my favorite season. I spent a lot of time by myself when I was young and a considerable part of that was in a fantastic land of make believe, on my back on the ground watching the leaves twist and turn as they fell to the ground. My troubling thought is that no one takes time to dream anymore or pretend. I have tried to pass this on to my grand kids and they prefer computers and cell phones. How do you set goals for yourself and listen to what God is trying to tell you if you cannot be quiet long enough to hear? There are some things that are very high on my list. Rain on a tin roof....wind through prairie grass, the smell of new hay and the morning cackling of a hen when she is laying. My goats use to stay right with me all day, as did my dog and when they thought I had worked enough they would convince me to sit for a while, and they would love on me. Right now the goat and the dog are both gone but have been replaced by someone who sure knows how to take me on long rides and hold my shaky hand and my world is ok. love you always, pokie