As with every year , the week between Christmas and New Years leaves me cleaning and organizing as if a winter blast was going to leave me totally house bound for the next three months and all food and concerns must be stocked in to survive. This year surviving is different than all other years. My thoughts stray from socking in food to, "Do I have enough meds for me and mom for any week long spell? Is the gas tank for propane carrying enough fuel for bad times and is the wood carried to the back door to get dry for a fast burn in a cold snap."as I it sit here I realize the changes that have come to me in this past year and my thought is,"How much longer will I be walking? The pain is very predominate now.....not just in one spot but many and it puts an end to any thoughts of a good nights sleep. Every minute comes with a price tag and the cost is high. The meds are increasing and the steps are getting much shorter. The sadness in my families eyes shows up more and more as the bubbly person I use to be disappears into the unset. I have no mate to share these lonely times with yet God has presented me with a host of friends that monitor my every hour. Christmas was really kind of sad this year, as I gave up all responsibilities and sat and watched from the side lines knowing every bit of my strength was being pulled out of me and it would take days to recover. Even the little ones watched as My steps became more labored while my meds went to off. Shopping did not exist, nor did baking, nor did Christmas in every room. Cards got out but not all.....gifts got sent...but not all.....friends were called....but not all. Life was taken away from me ......but not all. For the gift of the time left behind I thank you Lord and promise to cherish each second and try to make everyone aware of your wishes for a cure......thank you and good night pokie
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