Not Raising Hogs....

A very close friend sent me this today to pass on to you: Dear Sir: My friend Bobby, in Missouri, just received a check for $987 from the government for not raising hogs. I want to go into the "Not Raising Hogs" business next year. What I need to know is, what is the best breed of hogs - not to raise? I want to make sure that I approach this important work in keeping with all government policies. I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshire or Durocs. What do you recommend? As I see it the hardest part of the government program will be keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised. My friend Bobby is optimistic about the future of this business. he has been raising hogs for thirty years, and the best he ever made was $392 back in 1994---until he got your check for the $987, for not raising hogs. If I get $987 for not raising hogs, will I get $1974 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to start out small, at first, holding myself down to around 5,000 hogs not raised. That should make me about $98,700 for the first year. Then I can afford an airplane. I have another question. These hos I will not raise will not eat 90,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you have a program that pays farmers not to grow corn. what size payment can I expect for not growing the 90,000 bushels of corn that I won't need to feed to the 5,000 hogs that I am not going to raise? This estimate of potential income is needed so that I don't exceed the level the president has set--where I become a rich person and my income must be redistributed. Also I am considering the "Not Milking Cows" business, so send me any information you have on that program. In view of these plans, you understand that I will be totally unemployed. Therefore, I plan to file for food stamps and unemployment. Can ACORN help me with these applications? Be assured that you will have my vote in the coming election. Politically yours.........